Monday, April 20, 2009

Fake IPK's Trip To The Bleachers - 4/19/09

Fake IPK Yankee Stadium Game Log – April 19, 2009 vs. the Indians

Tickets: Bleachers 236 Row 16 Seats 25-26 (end of the row) - $35 apiece on StubHub. Great seats. The only blind spot is right in front of the wall, which I imagine is less of a blind spot the closer you are to the field. Great value though if you can score them for $35 or under.

The Hitman: Within five minutes of entering the stadium, I saw a guy walk past me wearing a white suit with Yankee Blue pinstripes and a Yankee hat. As far as Yankee “costumes” go, this is about as good as any I’ve seen at a live game. It got me wondering what a contemporary version of that might be. I’m thinking of a certain Yankee captain on a box of a certain popular cereal...

Bromance with Swish: There’s no doubt that his laid back Red Bull-swigging attitude, his scoreless inning last week, and his hot bat to start the season have made Nick Swisher a fan favorite. But one shirtless gentleman (it was at least 65 degrees today and sunny, so I’m not hating here) might be the biggest Swish fan of all. To quote him verbatim: “Me and you should get an apartment together!” This has all the makings of a reality show. Sample dialogue:

Shirtless Dude: Nick dude, you gotta give me some money for groceries.
Swish: I don’t see why I have to give you money when I only had like nine of your stale Triscuits.
Shirtless Dude: Because I’m the only one who ever buys toilet paper…oh and also because you make five million dollars a year.
Swish: Whatev Bro Namath, just put a note on the fridge. I’m gonna go have a beer in the shower.

MTV, don’t let me catch you producing this without talking to me first.

Boston Blows: Red Sox-hating is not original, but I saw a hat I hadn’t seen before at today’s game. Upon first glance it was just a Red Sox fitted hat with the B, but it actually had the letters L-O-W-S after the classic Red Sox B. Get it? BLOWS! (FYI, not only did I not find an image of this hat with a Google search, but I came across THIS:

Hit play if you you’re a fan of the Yankees and all things random).

Urina-love: Two dudes peeing next to me thought it would be a great idea to “become a part of history,” to quote them, by kissing the wall above their urinals at the new stadium. I also got to sample the new toilets at Yankee Stadium when I threw up in one after witnessing this.

Brett Gardner = Sex Symbol?: My female companion at the game today immediately picked out Brett Gardner as her “hot” Yankee and plans to get a Yankee t-shirt with his name and number. I warned her that while he may in fact be a total hottie, he hasn’t exactly cemented his place as a year-long Yankee. Just ask Cody Ransom's #1 fan (too soon?).

Poland Spring Light: Despite the Yankee front office doing everything in their power to ruin baseball for the average fan, one vendor in the Bleachers brought his own twist to selling $5 bottles of water on a warm day. “Poland Spring Light, HERE!” he shouted a few times. After he got no takers, he promised, “I’ll be back with the regular later.” OK so it’s not exactly the funniest thing I’ve ever heard, but it’s good to know that we’re still allowed to have a little fun at a baseball game.

How May I Help You?: Contrary to the behavior of some staff during the exhibition games a few weeks back, the staff at Yankee Stadium on Sunday was incredibly helpful. Literally holding up “How May I Help You?” signs, these employees were equipped with cheat sheets on where to find just about everything in Yankee Stadium. In his case, he was able to tell us within seconds where to find the closest vendor serving sausage and peppers. Great job by the Yankees having these guys available to answer questions.

Throw it back, really?: I don’t ever remember this being a tradition at Yankee Stadium (at least not in the regular season against a non-rival like Cleveland), but fans who caught Indian HR balls today were getting serious pressure from the fans around them to toss the would-be souvenirs back onto the field. Can anyone comment as to whether this was common at the old Yankee Stadium? I can tell you that if I get my hands on a HR ball, I’m hanging on to that bad boy, even if 51,000 people are chanting “Throw It Back!” [Editor's Note: Or 43,068 - the Yankees can't seem to sell the new place out - but who's counting?]

And now we end this post with a love story. Some trust fund baby kid saved up all his paychecks from his after-school job at Quiznos to have the Yankee scoreboard tell Shannon, who he is “just friends” with, say what he hasn’t had the courage to say he’s wanted to say since freshman year…

Joseph and Shannon, sittin’ in a tree: While I’ve seen a million marriage proposals up on the big screen at sporting events—usually accompanied by hundreds of men cleverly gibing, “Don’t do it!”—I’ve never seen a guy ask a girl to prom at a baseball game. But that’s exactly what Joseph did to Shannon. No word on whether Shannon is holding out for a similar gesture at Citi Field. Does anyone have a good proposal-at-a-game story to share?

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