Wednesday, June 13, 2007

"you pitch worse than Jimmy Key" and some theories on Kyle Farnsworthless and why he still pitches in the 8th inning for the Yankees

Before I get into the game experience portion of this post, I guess I should explain the first part of the title.

There was a drunk, attention seeking guy sitting in the row in front of me and Nick last night. I can't remember all of the asinine things he was yelling FROM THE UPPER DECK for the players NOT to hear, but one thing really stuck out to me. He yelled at Brandon Webb "you suck worse than Jimmy Key". What does that even mean??? Last time I checked he had a pretty nice career. Thats like yelling at Derek Jeter "you suck worse than Wade Boggs". Maybe this drunk retarded guy has some relation to Wallace Matthews

Anyway, on to the game. The start of the game was delayed exactly an hour due to the aforementioned thunder storm activity. Since I am so weather-conscious, Nick and I knew not to leave the apartment until around 7:15. We got there right in time for the National Anthem.

The crowd was juiced up (am I still allowed to use that phrase?) - possibly because the alcohol had been flowing out of the stadium taps since 5 PM. It was almost a playoff type of atmosphere, which was only a fraction of what it was like when "Badass" Bobby Abreuseful (the alter-ego of "Broken" Bobby Abreuseless) went yard to give the Yankees an early 3-0 lead.

The rest of the game was pretty tame to be completely honest. I'm pretty sure A-Rod doesn't get booed anymore, even when he has a mediocre game and had an ugly caught stealing.

Kyle Farnsworthless on the other hand, does get booed. Even when he pitched a scoreless inning, it is mostly luck. I can't believe how many balls got SCORCHED off of him. Why Torre continues to go to the well with him in the 8th inning is beyond me. One train of thought is that Farnsworthless has pictures of Torre "doing stuff" with Derek Jeter in the clubhouse * , another is that Cashman has ordered Torre to keep Farnsworthless in his 8th inning role to "showcase" him for a possible trade. Finally, there is the theory that Torre just falls asleep on the bench by that point in the game and nobody has the heart (or the testicular fortitude) to stop Farnsworthless from running through the bullpen doors.

By the way, is it just me or does Farnsworthless kind of look like this former WWF (I'm totally gonna get sued for typing that) wrestler with the new "four-eyed" look:

Anyway, Mo came in to a sparse crowd of the die-hards who stuck around for the blow-out extremely close, well-played 3-run game and were treated to a rather Mo-riffic 1-2-3 inning. The trip down the ramp and out of the stadium didn't take as long as usual, probably because of the "beat the traffickers"

A couple of notes:

- The new Diamondbacks uniforms say D-Backs on the front of them. I swear the first time I saw them I was offended because I thought they said D-Bags. I know, I know, that joke is probably already played out... Well, this is the first time they played the Yankees this year.

- Speaking of the new Diamondbacks uniforms, why did they ditch the purple? I think the D-Rays used to have some purple in their uniform and they too ditched it. Are these teams trying to tell me that men ages 18-34 DON'T like wearing purple? Damn, I better run to the store. Good thing I kept the receipt...

- This one is for "BlueCountry" on the Pinstripes Plus message board... I only saw 1 Diamondback fan (less than 1 % of the paid attendance of 51,577) and she was a HUGE fat woman in one of the new Diamondbacks t-shirts. She was scary to look at. Don't know how that fits into your book, or analysis, or website or whatever the hell you are compiling all of that information for.

* I can neither confirm or deny that
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