Friday, December 21, 2007

What Would Happen if the Serious Yankee Fan Hibernated for Three Months Until Spring Training?

As January rolls along it is time for the serious baseball fan to take a three month nap. But what would one see upon waking up? My crystal ball knows.

-Johan Santana will be a Yankee. Phil Hughes, Melky Cabrera, and a prospect will not be a Yankee.

-Brian Cashman will look more pale, tired, and dejected than normal.

-Hank will ride Cashman to work every morning.

-Jamie Lyne Spears will be three months pregnant. She will already have lost custody of the child still growing in her womb. The real father will be revealed as R. Kelly.

-The two frontrunner’s of both political parties will be spewing pounds of bull out of their mouths like usual. Hillary will be attacked from the right for not serving in Vietnam even though she is a woman. It will be discovered that she is not a woman but in reality an unfeeling robot of doom. Bill will buy old magazines containing pictures of Jamie Lynne Spears.

-Curt Schilling will have made 40 more blog posts. Unbelievably and unconceivably to the human mind each one will be more pompous and self-righteous than the last. In his final post he will declare himself God and will claim to have cured ALS single-handedly.

-The Marlins will say the hell with it and have another fire sale. Of their top AAA players. They will have single-A teams with 70 man rosters all building up for 2035.

-All the midges in Cleveland that faithful night will have completed their short life cycle. Thank God.

-Derek Jeter will have slept with more woman in those three months this entire site and forums have in their lifetimes.

-He also will have contracted all 174 varieties of herpes.

-Clay Buchholz will plan the Ocean’s Elevens’s style heist of Dell Computers Inc.

SEO By Profit By Search India